REJECTED HALLMARK CARDS:

 1. My tire was thumping
 I thought it was flat
 When I looked at the tire
 I noticed your cat...Sorry. 

 2. Had your bladder removed
 Glad that you're on the mends 
 Here's a bouquet of flowers
 And a box of Depends.

 3. You've announced that you're gay
 Won't that be a laugh
 When they find out you're one 
 Of the Joint Chiefs of Staff. 

 4. So your daughter's a hooker
 It ruined your day
 But look at the bright side
 She's a really good lay.

 5. I heard your wife left you
 How stunned you must be
 But don't fret about it
 She moved in with me.

 6. Your computer is dead
 It was once so alive
 Bet you're sorry you installed 
 Windows '95?

 7. You totaled your Chevy
 And can't think of why
 Might not it have been
 That case of Bud Dry?

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